Children who are pampered create a world of their own leading to total erosion of their thinking ability. Tantrums, pouting, sulking, refusal, and tyranny are the basic characteristics of a pampered child.
Children are little miniatures who like doing things like adults so they learn by watching rather than listening.
Why can pampering your child become a problem?
- Your child will not understand anything other than interdependence.
- Your kid will expect you to do everything for them.
- Even when they start growing up, they will hardly gain maturity.
- You will not be able to handle all the demands of your child.
- Controlling your child’s behavior will become one of the greatest difficulties.
The Famous English Poet William Wordsworth remarked that’ The child is the father of Man’, which means children are our future. How can we risk our future by Wordsworth from becoming self-reliant? Pampering and Loving are incompatible to each other, and the sooner we understand, the better children we raise.
But the bigger question is when parents receive their little bundle of joy, they forget all challenges and want to give the world to the new being. Parents take a new avatar of sacrificing models who want to forget their existence and immerse themselves in the new role of protectors. Love becomes a heavy burden leading to unavoidable problems in the future.
What are the Symptoms of Pampered child?
All the symptoms associated with a pampered kid.
- The child takes everything for granted.
- Perceives people without money as inferior and unworthy.
- Lacks in creativity and problem-solving strategies.
- Competition with peers on material gains.
- Loses interest easily due to easy availability of another material( video game or bike, etc)
- Disrespecting elders.
- Uses a crude or obscene word without realizing the effects.
- Unlimited demands.
Reasons why Pampering should be limited:
A pampered child never learns the value of Experience
Life skills can be learned with challenges and overcoming those. Children become more responsible with a little hardship but if you start solving all problems to keep your child happy, then they will never learn life skills.
With every fall, there is a rise and a new lesson, a new experience which makes them tough enough to face the world.
Spot the difference between Privilege and Demand
As parents, it is very natural to show concern, love, and affection towards your children. There are many privileges that children get as parents desire to give them the best. But privileges should stop at a point as children tend to demand later.
It is a red flag when a child comes up and asks for something as if it is his/ her right. Parents should never get obliged to fulfill a demand that is unacceptable.
Bribery leads to bad behavior
Small chocolate to bribe a child to be calm or quick leads to an expectation in the young mind that every work they do, deserves a material reward.
A small piece of chocolate wouldn’t ruin the teeth but it leads to bad behavior. Instead, phrases like ‘good girl’, ‘smart boy’, ‘thank you, and ‘great job’ does a better job.
Related: How To Raise Well-Behaved Boys?
Lead them by example
Parents are not supposed to clean the mess done by children. We often clean the place to make things easier for ourselves, but the child is watching us do it. They should arrange the mess and pick up toys all by themselves.
This in the future becomes a life discipline. Children are watching us all the time, the way we speak to elder ones, younger ones, excitement, and sorrow in our faces. They pick up habits with examples, they see around so it’s a big responsibility to lead responsibly.
Value of Money
It is very important for children to understand that money comes with hard work. They are disciplined unless they start paying for everything they want. It has to be reflected that money is valuable, but again, only a part of life. Children should be taught that money and happiness are not compatible.
Stop acting as the child’s only resource
A child should sleep alone, soothe themselves, explore their environment experience disappointment, develop problem-solving strategies, and practice self-reliance. Interference leads to dependence.
A child should know the value of ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’. We can casually use words like these but it is valueless unless we mean it. A child should know the gravity and weight of such words which either makes or breaks a person.
Related: How To Grow Grate Families
Room for development
As a parent, it is very important to raise respectable and conscientious individuals. When we pamper our children, we remove the inherent lessons and teaching tools that allow for the formation of becoming strong and independent adults, that we actually desire for them to become in the future. We should give them the room to develop and not shield them always from pain and discomfort.
Spot the difference between Love and Pampering
Children often use a very effective tool to get their things are done, that is, ‘crying’. Tears flow and parents get weak with love and do as the child says. Loving is not harmful, but surrendering is. Parents should never surrender to the demands of their children no matter what weapon they use to lull us in their bait of fulfillment.
Creating a Prolific liar
Pampering leads to the birth of prolific liars who can make thousand and one reasons to convince their lies. The ultimate goal is to get their work done, no matter what the medium is. A child should know the value of Truth and also the fact that success is not the yardstick to judge a person’s happiness.
Related: Control Negative Emotions in Kids
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What is not considered as pampering?
Giving Hugs, complimenting, validating feelings is a part of nurturing and loving. Pampering is going beyond this and doing things, which children can do it themselves.
Where do parents go wrong when all they want is to raise an independent and confident individual?
Parents go wrong in expediency. They want to do things for their children because they want to be quick and perfect. But learning is a slow process and there is no harm if children take time for training.
How to raise a child without pampering?
Appreciation is the key to unlock this puzzle. Simple phrases like ‘I am proud of you’, ‘ keep it up’, ‘you are so capable’, ‘I love you’, ‘ you can do much better’ does wonder due to the positivity and encouragement that comes with it. A clap for an infant means success, so these phrases for a toddler and teenager means to boost.
Children love to follow our actions rather than words. They watch us meticulously so as parents, we need to remain ‘real heroes’ with blood and flesh rather than acting like superheroes who create only fantasies. They love their eyes than ears.
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Mother of Two children. I’m a former teacher with a background in child development and a passion for Good parenting. I understand child development and know how to develop activities to help children learn and grow. Spare time, I enjoy spending time with my family, reading, and volunteering in my community.