Parenting is a challenging and strenuous affair. Handling your official work, taking care of your family, and then tackling a stubborn or strong-willed child can be frustrating. All parents want their children to be the best versions of themselves and be self-sufficient in the future. Being crowned the ‘best parents in the world’ comes with great endurance.
Teaching kids to be mentally strong isn’t always about not making them cry or testing their limits. Instead, you should promote a healthy idea and set an example by gaining their trust and teaching them social and emotional skills to become responsible adults.
What are the key things to remember if you want kids to be strong-headed
- Let them face their feelings and emotions and teach them to understand the flaw and help them work on them without wiping off their tears.
- Don’t tolerate intolerance. If they misbehave, let them know that this type of behavior is not socially acceptable. Do not shower them with presents and gifts too. Let them understand the situation.
- Do not expect perfection or make them feel guilty about their decisions.
- Teach your kid to handle their situations and face the consequences of their actions.
Top Things to Avoid to Make Kids Strong-Headed
Following are some habits that you should avoid practicing if you want to raise a mentally strong kid:
Not listening to their feelings
If your child comes to you with a complaint or any grievance that is bothering them, do not isolate their feelings by assuring them that everything will be fine. This will make them question their feelings and also make them feel that they do not matter.
Every day is a learning process for them and they are bound to come across new feelings and emotions. Do not suppress their feelings instead give them a positive message that it is okay to feel these emotions.
Tolerating their Misbehaviour
You don’t want your child to cry or be upset about something but that doesn’t mean you give in to their whining and tantrums and calm them down. If you make everything easily available to them, they won’t develop a sense of belonging. They’ll get the wrong message that you will meet their demands every time they misbehave.
Stick to your ground and easily give in to whatever they demand. Give them what is required to sustain and teach them to handle situations accordingly to the available resources.
Showering them with presents
You don’t have to shower your child with presents to prove how much you love them. You might consider being a kind gesture of getting them costly gifts now but by doing so you are hampering their outlook towards life.
They’ll turn out to be materialistic and not learn self-discipline. Do not be too strict but learn to say ‘no.’ Let them face disappointment but teach them to work hard for the things they want.
Learn about your child’s capacity and see how much they can work. Keeping high expectations from your child is good but when your expectations are high and always aim for perfection, it becomes a burden for your child. And when they see you disappointed with their failures; they are likely to stop trying.
They’ll start questioning their abilities and feel they are not as good as their friends. Do not let your child stop aiming for big goals in life but make sure they are realistic and also devise their path to achieving the goal challenging so that they can learn valuable life lessons.
Giving your kids an equal vote
It’s important for your child to feel that they are an integral part of the family and their opinion matters too but do not stretch the line too much or make them feel that they are the boss around. Not only will they develop a bossy attitude from a very young age but will also feel helpless in situations that they haven’t faced before.
Let them know that you are the captain of the ship and you have a thorough knowledge of how to navigate the ship but to be a leader or in this case an efficient captain, one must learn to listen which is the biggest asset of a leader. Give them importance but don’t let them take complete control of the situation.
Being an obstruction in their path of facing consequences
You don’t want to see your child get hurt or fail but standing in between their actions and consequences can make them get an escape route from facing reality. Running to school to give their project work or nagging to let them sit down to study will prevent them from learning lessons from their misdoings and will eventually take you for granted.
Step aside and sit back sometimes and let them face the consequences of their actions and let them decide how they will handle the situation.
Do not encourage your child’s negative approach to life
Reassuring your child that everything will fall in its place when they are worried about their results or any other thing is right but that doesn’t change their approach to negative thoughts and life.
You should preach that they are the best judge of themselves and they shouldn’t doubt themselves entirely. Counter their negative self-talk and tell them to believe in themselves. Encourage them to inculcate a more rational and realistic outlook towards life.
Confusing Discipline with Punishment
If you punish your kid, you are making your kid suffer for their misbehavior. Whereas, discipline is the logical approach to life and teaching them how to not repeat the same mistakes in life. Punishing your child will make him/her distanced from you and a sense of insecurity will develop. Raise your child to learn them make the right decisions by exercising discipline.
Parenting has become a big challenge today. It isn’t so easy like it was earlier. Kids nowadays have much more aware of the world than what we were of their age. But just because they are privileged to find any information with just a click, you should preach them that life is not easy and they should learn to accept that. Always remember that your child inculcates whatever you portray in your lifestyle. A balance between being rigid and being friendly.
You should raise your child in a way where he/she becomes self-sufficient and learn to face the consequences of their actions. Do not disrespect their emotions and feelings yet teach them to be disciplined. Show them the beauty of having a regimented life or living a life according to some rules and guidelines. Promote a healthy lifestyle at home. Keeping all these points in mind will surely make you a proud parent in the future!
How to set boundaries for my child effectively?
Be clear regarding your boundaries. Do not give in to their tantrums always. Be clear that you are not liking their behavior. Look for their strengths and set up tasks that highlight their strengths but that doesn’t mean will make their path to success easy. Change your rules as your child grows.
When should I know that my child is not being able to follow what I am trying to say?
Every child is different- you need to accept this fact. You can’t treat your child or exercise control on them the way your friends or colleagues do. You should be strict but make sure that your child is being able to follow what you are trying to preach.
If you notice your child fall behind his/her class or start distancing himself/herself from you, learn that you are doing it wrong. Analyze your kid, learn about children’s psychology, and then act. Observation power is the true mark of good parenting.
Spare the rod and spoil the child,’ is this relevant?
In today’s world, it isn’t. Your child does something wrong and you beat him/her; you punish him/her. This won’t get you any result or any assurance that your child won’t repeat the same mistake.
Instead, teach your child discipline; tell them that what they did was wrong because of so and so things, and it makes them socially unacceptable. Learn to discipline your child instead of engaging in arguments or beating him/her.
How can I encourage my child?
A kid’s schooling starts with his/her home. Encouraging your child to be the best version of themselves is the most important lesson that a child should be taught from a young age. Get them autobiographies on influential people who shaped the world or watch movies along with him/her which have a strong positive message or documentaries which will encourage him/her to strive for success.
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Mother of Two children. I’m a former teacher with a background in child development and a passion for Good parenting. I understand child development and know how to develop activities to help children learn and grow. Spare time, I enjoy spending time with my family, reading, and volunteering in my community.