Parenting indeed happens to be a difficult job in every respect, and it is essential to be alert when it comes to your kid’s development. Conversations and speeches are some of the most important stimulants for kid development and progress.
This is why just like a positive-minded conversation can lead the kid towards progress. The negative conversations lead the kid towards an undesirable impact.
Here are things not to say in front of kids-
Given below is a list of all the things you should definitely avoid saying to your kids.
Do not tell him that it is very dramatic
When your kid is acting a little bit odd or too emotional, do not be angry and tell him that he is acting dramatic. As a result, your kid will shut his mouth, which will eventually create post-traumatic stress.
He will not be able to share anything with you in the future also. Remember that it is your responsibility as a parent to take care of the emotional aspects of your kid.
Do not tell your kid that he is selfish
Remember that all kids behave with selfishness at specific times, and it is not an uncommon trait or characteristic. Therefore, when you tell your kid that he is selfish, you are actually increasing a kind of inferiority complex in him.
This transcends into a kidhood trauma in his later life. The disappointment that they face from your statement sticks with them for a really long time disrupting his normal kidhood.
Do not direct your kid on how to feel in a certain way
It is crucial not to redirect or dismiss the feeling of a kid no matter what it is. There are times when your kid can say that he is angry or sad or that he hates you, but do not be so sensitive about it and let him have that feeling for the moment.
It will pass away over time. Do not push your kid to feel in a specific manner, as that will take away the strength to understand right or wrong over time.
Don’t even think about telling your kid that you wish she would never been born
Many times when women are angry with their daughter, such statements are made. This makes an absolute travesty. No matter how frustrated a mother is towards her kid, it is never acceptable for her to make such a statement.
Some kids suffer such scolding, and as a result, they face inhibition and trauma for the rest of their lives. The mothers should remove themselves from the situations when they feel most frustrated.
Do not compare your kid with his siblings
The rivalry between the siblings is growing up in many families now, but it is seen that the parents very often promote the same by saying things they should not.
They should not say, “why can’t you do this or that like your sibling!” the result it offers is undoubtedly damaging to the kid as it leads the kid to believe that he is incapable or defective in any way.
Do not tell your kid that he is stupid
If you are not willing to be in a permanently damaged relationship with your son, then tell him anything, but he is stupid. It may be so that in the moment of anger, you have said this but be sure that the damage that it will create is permanent.
It shifts the core belief of a kid about his abilities, making them incapable of undertaking more challenging tasks.
Do not tell your son that he is the man of the house
It may be so that you are joking by saying this, but that can be stressful for the kid, and he may feel the burden. Especially when he is already facing some problem with family pressure, this can be a real problem for him.
Do not tell your kid that if he should get the desert after finishing the dinner
It is for sure that you don’t want your kid to waste his food. But it will be wrong to force them to eat every bit of the food even when he is not willing to. This hampers the eating habit of your kid.
Threatening that he will not be having the dessert if he has not cleaned his plate properly is such a threat. Food is something that is related to the matter of health, and your pressurizing may be the cause of many complications in the future.
Do not push your kid to hurry up
There are times when kids may take extra hours to finish certain things. It depends on their understanding and their ability to execution of their tasks. So when you are forcing the kid to hurry up, he gets too worried, which pushes him to make mistakes in their works.
Instead, what he needs is motivation and understanding from his parents so that he can do the work properly.
Do not just tell him that his idea of style or fashion is wrong
You might not prefer those, but your kid may favor nose rings or hair color or specific clothes of specific colors. So when you question her in a ridiculing manner, “what have you done to yourself?” then that creates a form of innovation in her, and as a result of that, you will be shutting down the communication you have with her.
In such a case, the kids feel that they are constantly being judged. So they shut off internally and never share with their parents.
Do not push the kid to stop crying
When your kid is having a bad time or sad mood, he can cry out suddenly. At that time, just do not tell him to “stop crying” as that restricts the kid to free himself from the emotional turmoil he feels inside. This eventually creates a form of anger or trauma inside him that finally bursts out.
Do not tell your kid that he is behaving like a baby
You should remember that your kid’s maturity comes through a series of experiences, and in that, you’re rebuking that he is acting like a baby will not help at all.
Such statements can only be highly damaging for the kid as it makes his feelings invalid. The act of the emotions that they have, they think that has no value at all.
Do not use superlative degrees in praising your kid
It is better not to praise your kid at all rather than telling him that he is the best when it comes to some issues. It presents a sense of stress in the kid’s mind, and as a result of that, he starts looking for an escape from the tremendous pressure of expectation.
Do not tell your kid that he is an accident
It may be so that your kid was not planned, but it is never suggested to share that fact with him. This offers a kind of emotional scar into the mind of the kid. Only share your love for your kid and not your hatred.
Do not push your kid to feel that he is okay
Even when your kid is under stress or emotional distress, telling that he is okay is not something you should be doing. At the time of emotional distress, the kids look for some consolation or support.
Asserting that he is okay might not be the right thing to do. It presses a kind of restriction to the kid due to which he can never share his feelings with you in the future.
Do not review the kid that he is incapable of doing anything right
There are times you may have said to your kid that “you cannot do anything properly” or “can’t you sit properly?” remember that these words can hold a coarse effect on your kid as they get surprised at the lack of praise and understanding from their parents. As a result of that, a sphere gets created in the relationship. So stay out of such words.
Do not simply ask your kid what is wrong with him
It is a common phrase that adults use more often but remembers that in the case of your kid, such phrases are pretty harmful. These phrases assert that there is something wrong with your kid. Eventually, he also starts believing that.
This takes away his confidence in himself, creating a significant problem in his future life. So do not push your frustration over your kid and simply make him feel dwarfed by the pressure of your expectation.
You should not say to your kid that you do not believe him
Your kid might be keen on sharing certain things with you, some of them being figments of his imagination. But it will be the wrong thing to say to him that you do not believe him. By making such kind of a statement, you show your distrust towards your kid, and in the process of damaging your relationship, this can be the first step.
As a result of this, kids will not share anything with you; they will start hiding their actions.
Do not falsely sure your kid that there is nothing to be afraid of
No matter if one is an adult or kid, there are certain things that feel worrisome. So when you are telling your kid that they should not worry about some specific thing, that makes his troubled experience about that particular matter invalid.
It shows him that there is something wrong with him and not with the issue. In the case of child abuse cases, such notions can sincerely harm the kid.
Do not rebuke your kid saying that he is lazy
Kids indeed tend to be lazy all the time. But if you keep telling your kid that he is lazy, he will take that as a confirmation of his acts. Then it will be very problematic for you to change that state of mind and make him active again.
Do not push the kid to hug or kiss someone
Just like adults, kids kiss or hug someone out of affection and love. Therefore, if you push him to do that by force to someone, it will confirm that his preference or wish does not work here. Such an opposing idea is not at all well.
Do not compare him with his friends
Peer pressure is a highly complex matter when it comes from the parents. Rather than inspiring the kids to compete with others, parents often compare their kids with the other kids at his school.
This only increases the stress and inhibition among the kids, and they get on in an unhealthy competition leading to emotional turmoil with their friends.
Do not compare your kid’s action with yours
Specifically, do not say to your kid that, “I wouldn’t do this thing if I were you.” such statements offer that negativity to your kid that drives him to believe that his actions are not at all proper. Therefore he always has to depend on your decisions. This is the wrong message that you are sending your kid.
Do not tell your kid that he should have done much better
It may be that your kid could have scored better or done better at the sports. But if you scold your kid with such a statement, then it creates a serious question in their mind regarding their abilities. You can expect even less performance the next time he does it due to your scolding.
Do not say that your kid should be ashamed of certain things
Be practical and know that your kid will indeed feel embarrassed at times, but it is not you who will point that thing to him. It is the place of entitlement that brings shame, and why forcing him to believe that your feelings are more important than his will create a void in their characters.
Verdict
Certain things the parents say to their kids knowingly or unknowingly may seem acceptable at the moment. Still, with careful introspection, it shows the kind of negative influences they offer to the kid.
Therefore, there is a serious need to make those introspections and make up the mind at what to say and what not to.
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Mother of Two children. I’m a former teacher with a background in child development and a passion for Good parenting. I understand child development and know how to develop activities to help children learn and grow. Spare time, I enjoy spending time with my family, reading, and volunteering in my community.
