10+ Types of Damaging Fathers and How to Rectify

Kids grow up idolizing their fathers. It is, therefore, important that fathers strive to be role models to their kids. They should ensure that they set the best of examples for the kids when it comes to the qualities that they should imbibe and the way they should treat other people. But oftentimes, fathers fail to do that. 

Oftentimes, fathers forget that they are supposed to be role models for their kids and go about setting the wrong examples. It does not necessarily have to be purposeful actions that do not bode well for the father-son relationship.

The most subtle and unimportant action can sometimes lead to the setting of bad precedence for the kids to follow.

What are some of the personalities in fathers that can affect the kids?

• Being overly controlling.
• Being excessively protective.
• Being absent through the important years of a kid’s life.
• Trying to be the fun parent.
• Being hypocritical in their actions.
• Hiding their emotions.

kinds of damaging dads and the rectification needed

Unavailability leads to distancing

Fathers in today’s fast-moving world are extremely busy with their daily schedules. Most of fathers believe it is alright to stay at work and compromise on family time as long as they are providing for the family. 

Many fail to see that this has a gradual but definite negative impact on the relationship that they develop with their kids. Kids yearn for proximity. They inevitably get more intimate with the people who are physically closer to them.

• Distant dads stay that way: Fathers usually make the mistake of assuming that they will work hard when the kids are younger and then get to spend more time with them as they grow older. But they fail to understand that the distance that they create during the initial years has a long-lasting effect. Kids who grow up with an absent father, usually maintain the distance throughout their lives. 

Often reconciliatory efforts by the fathers fail to bear fruits in the future. The trust and admiration that should be inherent between fathers and kids have to be developed quite early, failing which they may never develop. Absenteeism is the primary reason for estranged relationships, and fathers should note this in the midst of their busy schedules.

Related: Childhood Milestone Dad Should Look

Overpowering fathers scar kids for life

Fathers can be overpowering in a number of ways. Some fathers are physically abusive, whereas others are mentally torturous. Violent fathers have often grown men with personality issues of their own. They are usually men with low self-esteem and confidence. 

They usually take out their wrath on the world and other adults on innocent kids. In patriarchal societies, it is even encouraged when fathers become abusive to their kids. The oft-repeated excuse that it is for the betterment of the kids is used to justify any and all abuses toward kids.

• Abusive dads bring up abusive kids: Kids born in households with violence by elders often grow up with a very normalized opinion about violence. For them, violence becomes just another aspect of life, and they often end up treading down the violent path in life. Fathers should be careful not just of the way they treat their kids. 

They should also be careful of how they behave with their spouses to set good examples. Domestic violence is the most important cause of the development of antisocial behaviors in people. Violence begets violence and sets off a chain of underconfident adults who resort to criminal activities.

Keeping the sky the limit every single time

It is never a negative thing to ask your kids to perform to the best of their abilities. Encouraging the kids to reach higher goals and get better in life is how you raise successful adults. But is there a point of breakage for the kids? Is it ever enough when it comes to our kids? It has to be. 

Understanding the limits of your kids is as important as understating their talent and aptitude. Pushing them to attain insurmountable odds every single time does not make them successful. It just makes them brittle and afraid of failure.

• Failures should be met with appreciation: It is important for the kids to realize that success in life is not guaranteed. More importantly, they have to be fine with the fact that they might fail more often in life than succeed. But learning from those failures and making those few successes big is how they can lead a fulfilling life. It has to be the fathers who teach them the most important lessons of failure. 

If the fathers stay adamant on success each time, they are setting themselves and the kids for a lifelong streak of disappointments and heartbreaks. When your kids are confident enough to tell you that they failed even though they tried hard, it means that you have done a fine job raising them.

Related: Type Of Damaging Father

Playful dads have got it all wrong.

It is a very typical attitude that fathers around the world develop. They strive to be lenient parent who only ever acts as the bearer of good news. If the kids perform poorly in school, dads save them. If they hate waking up in the morning, the dads let them sleep. 

It is very easy being the easygoing dad. It does not take the least bit of effort. In fact, it can be said that any dad who does not care for his kid’s well-being can be categorized as a friendly dad.

• Put in the hard yards with your kid: But the dads who take pride in the fact that they are easygoing with their kids need to ask a vital question: are they instilling the right values in the kids? Raising kids is an extremely difficult task. You have to mold their entire nature to what do you believe is the good one. And this requires you to be strict and stay your ground at times. 

By letting all the faults and mistakes of your kids go unpunished, you are setting them up for a life of unaccountability. Being an amiable parent is a must but losing sight of the fact that you are the only one who can inculcate invaluable life lessons in them is a recipe for disaster. 

Partial presence is as bad as being absent

There are fathers who try to have it all. They cramp up their schedule with work and then feel guilty about missing out on time with their kids. So, they try to connect with the kids and realize that they are behind on their work. 

So, they try to juggle both and fail comprehensively in both. Kids can sense when their fathers are mentally absent. Being physically present with your kid is never enough. You have to engage with them, talk to them, learn about their problems. Being present for the sake of it does not help.

• Keep that phone away: Mobile phones are the biggest distraction for working fathers when they are at home. They should be put away the one you reach home. Make the kids know that the time you spend with them is valuable for you. Being distracted in your thoughts while you are with kids leads to a lack of attention to their problems. 

The kids grow up uncared for and develop their qualities accordingly. They fail to understand the importance of family and will treat their kids similarly. Fathers should try at all times to be completely present for their kids and not just try to act it out.

The dad who does not walk the talk

Fathers have to be the male figure in the lives of the kids who show them how to deal with difficult times. They have to be resilient and show the strength of character which the kids can imbibe from them. They cannot be hypocritical. 

Only ask of your kids what you can ask of yourself. There will be many occasions and instances when you would have to take action keeping in mind the example you are setting for your kids. On such occasions, be sure to be true to yourself. Lying to your kids only helps in the short run.

• Do not go back on your word: Fathers need to teach their kids that their words matter for something. This they can best exemplify by actions. Fathers who break their promises and who always fall short of keeping their word can never ask the same from their kids. 

Only expect from the kids as much as you give them. Being hypocritical in front of your kids only makes them value their own promises that much lesser. They grow up to be adults who rarely place any value whatsoever on their own words.

Related: Ways Fathers Impact Child Development

The dad oozing with masculinity

Today society has evolved for the better when it comes to questions of gender stereotyping. But to say that everything has been set right is a step too far. There are still men out there who have ingrained masochism in them. And the saddest part is that they more often than pass on these qualities to their kids. 

Kids, from a very young age, are extremely impressionable, and their filter for rights and wrongs is solely based on their parents’ teachings. And if the fathers end up as sexist, there is little hope for the kids.

• Teach the kids to respect all genders: The macho dads are the ones who usually look down upon women themselves. It should come as no surprise they encourage their sons to do the same. These are the dads who are proud of their sons having multiple sexual relationships and being unfaithful to their girlfriends. But they ingrain these qualities from the very beginning. 

The way they treat their wives and other women in their lives forms the basis of knowledge in their sons as to how men should treat women. Similarly, they let their daughters know that being treated badly by men is an obvious matter.

Fathers need to be men who teach their kids how important it is to show respect toward women. Failing this, they are creating men unworthy of today’s society.

The dads who avoid confrontation

There are dads who impose their will on every single motion of their kids. And then there are the ones who prefer to stay out of all types of confrontations with his kids. Which one is better? Neither. Kids need to grow under the right mix of freedom and authority. 

Passive dads who slide away into the background and who do not stand their ground, give rise to kids who are unrespecting of authority and unminding of laws. These are the dads who let the mothers fight a lone battle with the kids.

• Raising a kid is a partnership: It takes a village to raise a kid, they say. Nothing could be truer. A father has to take his responsibilities head-on and do what needs to be done. Nobody said being a father is going to be easy. Avoiding confrontation with kids does not help them. 

Be adamant about the beliefs that you hold dear, and make sure that your kids identify you with those beliefs. Qualities that you pass on to your kids are the ones you possess. Show your best ones for them to learn from.

Verdict

Fathers can make a lot of mistakes raising kids. These are some of the types of fathers that a man can be which might pose serious issues while raising the kids. It is entirely under their control to decide as to what type of father they want to become. Being brought up by difficult fathers does not mean that they themselves have to be difficult. 

Men need to understand the fact that being a father is a round-the-clock job where your performance can mean a whole lot. They have to learn on the job and try their best to get better at it. It would never harm them to remember that their mess-ups can mess up more than just their lives.

Related: Mistakes Dads Make While Raising Kids

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